apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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