Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
