I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
