Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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