I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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