she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
