Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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