remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
