Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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