Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
