hell yes lets make some ravioli
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
