Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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