Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
