Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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