I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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