I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
