Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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