so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
