chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
