How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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