So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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