I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
