I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
