Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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