ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
