i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
