At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No I am not eating basil off your cock
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't turn off my feet"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
