ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
