are you still at the devil's house?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
smell my finger.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
