Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
