You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
