She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You made out with two different species that night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
