what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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