in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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