I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
