"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
