I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
