Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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