I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
