What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
