she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
