exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize