Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
