I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
