and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Will exercising make me less horny?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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