Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
