My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
