I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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