i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
