I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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