My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
