What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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