Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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