I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
