Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
