Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
