They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
