I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
