its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
