I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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