i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
