He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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