Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
