Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
