i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Is it because I queefed?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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