do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
