she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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