Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
