we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
