I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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