when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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